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Destroying Words

Words. There are positive words and destructive words. It was a day where I needed to hear positive words and thankfully I received some after I had spent thirty minutes sharing my testimony. But then negative, hurtful words cut into my heart, filling me with intense pain. They cut me like a knife and for the remainder of the night, I struggled with negative, hurtful thoughts that I could not remove from my mind. So much of my life has been filled with pain and difficulty. There are so many facets to my testimony. It has been a wilderness journey. So much of it is filled with heartache and sorrow. After baring my soul, the negative words cut into my mind and soul, bringing back the dark feelings from my past. A dark heaviness hung over my heart and mind. It weighed on me and attacked my mind filling me with dark hurtful thoughts that I struggled to free myself of. It was a war I was having with the dark side as I fought for my life and fought to find peace and calm again and to not slip into my old hurts, habits, and hang-ups that I‘d been free of for many months. Darkness consumed me taking me into a deep dark abyss where I was tormented and hounded and filled with the pain of my past. It hung over me like a dark cloud as I fought desperately to free myself. A friend texted and asked how I was doing. I told her and she began praying for me and peace came for a few minutes but then the darkness returned. I was fighting for my life and trying desperately to remove the tremendous pain in my mind. Nothing was helping for long. I was slipping into a dark, dark hole that I was ill-equipped to remove myself from. As I fought for hours I suddenly was returning to my old self-harming habits with more voracity than ever, praying and fighting for God to free me from my tormenter. I slept fitfully despite my calming music. Peace would come to me for a few minutes and then the darkness would return to me and I was again fighting to regain my steps and fighting through my self harm to calm myself. The next day the darkness continued to plague me and I finally reached out to my ministry leader telling him about my dark suicidal thoughts. He reminded me that I would be attacked after doing something for God like sharing my testimony and he told me he would be praying for me. Finally, peace came to me and the evil was removed from my life. The ball and chain that had been placed around me were gone and I was again freed from the bondage of my past.

I share this story to help us think twice about what we say to people. Words can indeed make or break a person. After sharing so personally and deeply about my past I was vulnerable to the attacks and negativity of people. I needed people to raise me up in prayer and fortify me from the attacks of the devil.

My prayer is that each of us will think carefully about the words we say. May we choose words that build people up rather than tear people down. What we say can have a huge impact on people. Our words need to be seasoned with encouragement and hope.

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