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A Piece of Me

Today I accidentally dialed a phone number that used to mean so much to me. I caught my mistake three numbers in and quickly redialed but it brought back so many memories. I just wished I could talk to my mom again. It has been four years since she died. The one thing that used to make me feel connected to her, her ring is now gone. All I want is for the robber that broke into our home last year to give the ring back. Now it is gone forever and it breaks my heart to know that this piece of my mom is lost. So much has changed since she died.

A few months ago I finally had the opportunity to process what really caused her death. It still plagues me sometimes to think about it. If I could go back in time I would have loved to open doors that would have helped my mom with the eating disorder that stole her prematurely from our lives. But changing a lifetime of eating struggles and thoughts is challenging. Underneath her successful business and her amazing accomplishments is the struggle she dealt with. She hid it from so many. It was her secret, her way of handling stress, disappointments and hurts from the past. Before she died she talked about these things and how difficult her life was. She always wanted to turn her lemons into lemonade. Her desire was to find happiness and joy in the little things in life but she suffered deeply with regret and disappointment. Yet, under all this she lived to serve others and to make other people's lives happier. She cared about the underdogs. When she saw people in need she helped them. But who she never could help was herself. In the end, I lost my mom.

I know that there are many people out there who suffer from anorexia, bulimia and other eating disorders. My desire is for you to know that there is hope and healing from these issues. I pray that you will begin the path toward healing and wholeness. God wants for you to have a better life. It is possible. May God give you the strength, courage and help to face these challenges and to get better. There is hope and a solution. The first step begins with admitting that you have an issue. Then take this to God and ask Him to help you ask Him for wisdom to know what to do. You can't begin to heal until you admit that you have a problem. May God give you the courage to take the first step toward healing.

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