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Lost Years

For days I have been plagued by why I allowed forty years to pass by as I lived far away from family that I loved so dearly. I was surrounded by cousins, great aunts, grandparents, and great-grandparents. These memories remain firmly etched in my heart. Yet, my move across country, a new school, and a new life changed everything and for so many years I felt trapped in an entirely different world. For too long I allowed this difficult world to shape my life. In the meantime, people I loved dearly grew older and I lost touch with them. My heart has been hurting for those lost years. I am grateful for my recent opportunity to reconnect with these individuals. It was a tremendous blessing in so many ways. But watching my elderly great aunt deteriorate hurts deeply. I lost so many years being away from that magic place. Things there were based on love. Yes, there was drama and problems but I learned some important lessons in this special place. We came together despite our difficulties and we had fun. I'm thankful for opportunities to reconnect again with people that have meant so much to me for so many years. Yet, there is a yearning in my heart to return to this place, to live there again, to be a part of the one place that meant so much to me all of my life. I simply can't shake this desire. There is a bittersweet feeling in my heart as I watch more of these special people slip away from my life. It makes me realize all the years I lost. As I think about a new year, my resolution to myself is to return more often to this special place so I can spend time with people who fill me up, make me laugh and help me survive the stress of life. I'm thankful to still have people like this to bless me, to hear my dream and to understand my need to live in my homeland once again. It's a blessing to have a family like this after so many years of being in the desert. In God's timing, I hope that this desire will become a reality. I'm so ready to return home to mountains and beaches. But I must be patient and wait for God to lead.

Maybe you are in the same place I'm in feeling restless, uneasy, anxious for change and ready to leave. Perhaps you ache for a new job or a new place to live. Whatever your need God understands and is willing to listen. My hope is that instead of rushing into what you want that you allow God to open the doors in His timing. When we wait on Him blessings happen. May we learn to be patient and not lose heart. In God's perfect timing it will all work out. Our job must be to let God lead.

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