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Moving Past Denial

I have realized that what happened in my childhood impacts so much of my life as an adult. As a child I struggled deeply because of the abandonment of my father. He was a figure that really wasn't involved in my life. Occasionally, I would get a phone call from him but I never could rely on his communication or support. Visits from him were sporadic. It didn't help that he lived on the west coast and I lived in the Midwest. I realized early on that he simply couldn't be a father to me. His false promises were hard to handle and eventually I got to the place where I never put any hope in anything he said. Birthdays came and went with little recognition from him. He simply couldn't be the father I so ached to have.

When my mom remarried we were pulled away from my great aunts, great grandparents, grandparents and cousins. These people loved, supported and nurtured my brothers and I. The move across country added another layer to the abandonment that I felt. Isolated from all of our family, I felt lonely, unappreciated, out of place and like I didn't belong. The distance meant that I didn't see my extended family very much following our move. The ache inside of me for the people that meant so much to me continued for the remainder of my life. After our move, I never really felt like I belonged anywhere again. Connecting with people was difficult. All I wanted was to return to the place in California that meant so much to me.

It's amazing how issues like this impact us for the remainder of our life until we ask God to heal us. So often I still struggle with these same feelings and thoughts. I occasionally have to stop myself and analyze what is happening and then I am reminded of why I'm feeling the way I am. Embracing this thought helps me to move on, regroup and recover.

The first step to recovery is moving past denial. This means facing the struggle, identifying the feelings and where they originate from. With God's help healing can happen. Are there things in your past that continue to bother you? Embrace these difficulties and feelings and ask God to help you heal.

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